Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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