Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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