i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
