You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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