I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
