It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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