is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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