I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
