It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
