I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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