i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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