he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
