no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
