My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
