In the future we'll all be gay
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
