don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize