My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
