We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
