The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
