I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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