Say something about gay babies.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
