I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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