pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
