Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
