Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
