I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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