I'm gonna have a badass scar
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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