Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
