Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
