just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
