Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
