What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is Oprah even human
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
