Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
