and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
