I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
