i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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