god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
