The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
