i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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