I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
