just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
