Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
