The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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