you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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