My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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