you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n