I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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