So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
