Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
