I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
