Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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