You really coming over, don't trick.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i love accidental penises.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
