I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
should my penis look like a turkey
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
