I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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