I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
