I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
