I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
