the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
