My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's the barista slut.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
