You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
