How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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