in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
