don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
