Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
