If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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