I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
